Crack Christmas
by hatchet.chef
Summary: TDI


"HEY YALL!" Chef announces.

"This isn't your average Daily Digs, this is...Chef's Christmas Specail!" Lindsay announces.

"You will be experiencing Chef's version of many popular Christmas shows,movies, and songs so stay tuned!" Lindsay announces.

"Remember, for legal reasons we don't own any of the stuff were about to show and if you're not able to handle mature content then please get away from me." Noah says.

"Here's the first episode called Cheffy the Snowman. Enjoy!" Tyler announces.

"Baah humbug." Cari pouts.

Gwen and Alejandro throw snowballs at Cari.

Fade out.

_**Cheffy the** **Snowman.**_

Lindsay and Dakota grab their coats and run outside.

"Lets build a snowman!" Lindsay says.

"Alright! I'll get some friends to help also." Dakota says.

Lindsay starts making the snowman.

At a nearby house, a magicion named Cari was casting a spell on a hat.

"With my magic, this hat will be able to do anything!" Cari says to the hat.

The hat sparkles.

Cari wears the hat.

"Yes! Mine! All mine!" Cari laughs to herself.

The wind blows the hat off her.

"Hey! No! Hat come back!" Cari says chasing the hat.

Dakota brings back Noah, Gwen, Alejandro, Heather, Chris, and Tyler.

"Help me make a snowman." Lindsay demands.

Everyone helps make a snowman.

Gwen finds 2 black coal.

"Hey, these can be the eyes!" Gwen cheers.

Gwen puts the coal as the eyes.

"And maybe these chicken legs from KFC can be the arms?" Tyler asks.

"This snowman is going to rock!" Alejandro says.

Tyler puts the chicken legs as arms.

"All we need is some buttons, a nose, and a hat!" Lindsay cheers.

"I found a bellpepper." Noah says putting the bellpepper as the nose.

"We can put black rocks as buttons." Heather says putting rocks on him.

"Great! The snowman is almost complete!" Lindsay cheers.

"All we need is the hat." Chris sighs.

A magical black hat flies by and lands on the snowmans head.

The snowman comes to life.

"Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!" The snowman says.

"Woah! The snowman talks!" Dakota says surprised.

"I'm Cheffy the snowman!" Cheffy introduces.

"Hi Cheffy! I'm Lindsay and this is my sister Dakota and my friends Alejandro, Noah, Heather, Tyler, Gwen, and Chris." Lindsay introduces.

"Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!" Cheffy says.

"It's not Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday." Alejandro inturpets.

"Oh. Happy black history month!" Cheffy cheers.

"It's Decemeber." Noah says.

"Oh! Well I got nothing." Cheffy says.

"How can you talk? You're a snowman!" Tyler says.

"Gee, I don't know. Sorry." Cheffy says.

"Maybe it was the hat that brought him to life!" Chris figures.

"Lets see." Noah says.

Noah takes off Cheffy's hat.

Cheffy turns back into a regular snowman.

"Oh my! You were right! It is the hat!" Dakota cheers.

Noah puts the hat back on Cheffy.

"Happy KFC day!" Cheffy cheers.

The kids gather into a circle around Cheffy and hold hands.

"Cheffy the snowman, was a happy, blacky soul! With a bellpepper nose and 2 eyes made out of coal! Cheffy the snowman was a slave they say, but we know that he isn't a slave today! There must have been some magic in that old black hat we found! When we put it on his head he complained for KFC! Nommy Nom Nom, Nommy Nom Nom, look at Cheffy go!" The children sing.

"Gee thanks guys! But I have to go soon!" Cheffy sighs.

"Aw, why Cheffy? We just met!" Lindsay complains.

"But I have to get to the north pole so I don't melt away!" Cheffy explains.

Cari and a traffic cop comes running up to the children.

"These children are theives! They stole my magical hat that is mine!" Cari complains.

"No it's not! It's Cheffy's!" Gwen says.

"It's my hat!" Cari pouts.

"I'm sorry but that hat needs to be given to Cari." The traffic cop says.

"How would you know anything? You're just a traffic cop?" Lindsay asks.

"How would you know anything? You're just a kid." The traffic cop says.

"How can I know anything? I'm just a snowman." Cheffy sighs.

"Woaaah what!" The traffic cop says swallowing his whistle.

The traffic cop chokes on his whistle.

"Are you ok, sir?" Cheffy asks.

"You're under arrest!" The traffic cop says arresting Cheffy.

"What did I do?" Cheffy asks.

"Give Cari the hat back!" The traffic cop complains.

"Fine. I'll give it back." Cheffy pouts.

"But Cheffy! I'll never see you again.." Lindsay says about to cry.

"Aww Lindsay, whip those tears. I'll be back again someday just not right now." Cheffy says hugging Lindsay.

"Bye Cheffy! We hope to see you again!" The children say while waving.

"I'll miss you all!" Cheffy says waving.

Cheffy takes off his hat and gives to Cari.

Cheffy turns into a regular snowman.

"Thanks. I must leave now." Cari says walking away with the hat.

Lindsay cries on Dakota.

"It's ok, he'll be back next year, just you watch.." Dakota says hugging Lindsay.

The end.

* * *

"That was Cheffy the Snowman! I hope ya'll enjoyed!" Chef announces.

"Aww, poor Cheffy and Lindsay." Dakota sighs.

"But don't worry, this next one will for sure make you laugh!" Lindsay cheers.

"Why?" Gwen asks.

"For this specail, this is about children on a train that go meet santa claus and learn to believe!" Tyler announces.

"Boring." Cari yawns.

"It's called.." Noah announces.

"The Bi-Polar Express!" Alejandro finishes.

* * *

**_The Bi-Polar Express._**

"Say goodnight to your little sister." Mom says to Noah.

Noah hugs Heather.

"Goodnight baby sister. I hope Santa Claus comes tonight!" Noah cheers.

"He will! Santa always does!" Heather cheers.

Mom closes the door.

Noah tucks himself into bed and stares at the window.

Noah sees a shadow.

"Hmm?" Noah says to himself.

Noah hears noises outside his door.

Noah gets up and slightly opens his door.

He see's his dad in a Santa Claus hat.

"Another year." Dad says putting on his Santa Claus hat.

"You go Santa!" Mom teases.

Noah closes the door.

"Dad...is Santa?" Noah says to himself.

Noah hides under his bed and cries.

Noah finds Anti-Depression pills and eats it while he cries under his bed.

"Why does life hate me?!" Noah cries.

Noah swallows another pill.

Noah starts to shake.

It felt like an earthquake in his room.

He looks outside his window and see's a random big train.

"All aboard!" Chef announces.

"What the.." Noah says confused.

Noah grabs his jacket and jumps out of the window.

"Ouch.." Noah says laying on the ground.

Chef helps up Noah.

"There's something in life that everyone uses..I think it's called a door. Have you heard of it?" Chef teases.

"Uhh. What's with the train?" Noah asks.

"This is the Bi-Polar Express! Where all the bi-polar kids like you spend their Christmas!" Chef announces.

"Where are we going?" Noah asks.

"To the North Pole to see Santa Claus of course! To cure all your problems!" Chef announces.

"Alright. Sounds legit." Noah says walking into the train.

Chef closes the door and walks into the train.

Chef starts the train.

Noah sits next to a random girl.

"Hi! I'm Dakota." Dakota introduces.

"I'm Noah. Why are you here?" Noah asks.

"I found out Santa was a lie." Dakota shrugs.

"How?" Noah asks.

"Google. I tried sending Santa Claus an email but it ended up being a random pervert that wanted my address." Dakota sighs.

"Oh that sucks. I'm here because I found out my dad was Santa Claus all this time." Noah face palms.

"And?" Dakota asks.

"And I ended up crying alone taking pills." Noah sighs.

"Hi! I'm Tyler! Who the heck are you?" Tyler asks.

"Noah." Noah shrugs.

"Oh so you're the last kid." Tyler says fastly.

The train stops again.

They look out the window.

"Look! It's some other girl!" Dakota says.

"Yeah she's pretty cute too." Tyler says fastly.

Noah rolls his eyes.

"I thought Noah was the last kid.." Dakota says.

"This is the Bi-Polar Express! Get in the train!" Chef yells.

Lindsay jumps into the train.

The train starts moving again.

"Hi! I'm Lindsay." Lindsay waves shyly.

"I'm Noah. Why are you here?" Noah asks.

"No clue. All I know is that I saw mom put gifts in the stockings and I told dad then this random train appears." Lindsay shrugs.

"Oh. No wonder." Tyler shrugs.

"Everyone sit down and you'll get hot chocolate with sleeping pills!" Chef announces.

Every kid on the train cheers.

Workers give every kid a glass of hot chocolate with sleeping pills.

Everyone drinks it and falls asleep.

30 minutes passes by.

"Wake up kiddies, were at the North Pole to see Santa Claus!" Chef announces.

Every kid wakes up.

"What happened?" Noah asks waking up.

"You kids are at the North Pole to discuss your problems with Christmas." Chef says opening the train door.

Every kid gets out of the train and into a single file line.

"I'm so depressed I can die." Lindsay says scratching her hand.

"I know right. It's probably some fat pedophile in a ret suit and fake beard." Dakota says.

"Maybe it's the real santa?" Noah asks.

"Pfft. Yeah right." Dakota teases.

Noah sighs.

Noah goes into the last of the line.

4 elfs walk by Noah.

"Hey elfs! Can one of you tell me if Santa is there?" Noah asks.

"No." Gwen nods.

"He isn't there?" Noah asks.

"No as in I won't awnser your question." Gwen says walking off.

Noah facepalms.

The front row crowd cheers Santa Claus.

"Santa? The real Santa?" Noah asks himself.

Noah runs up to the crowd and pushes and shoves people.

Noah sees Santa.

"Santa...?" Noah asks in shock.

"I'm not Santa, I'm Chris Cringle, known as Saint Nicolas." Santa says.

"Oh." Noah sighs.

"But i'm more popular known as Santa Claus." Santa winks.

"SANTA! You're real" Noah cheers.

"Duh. What do you want for Christmas?" Santa asks.

"A rocket so I can fly to the moon!" Noah cheers.

"I'll surprise you instead." Santa says getting on his sleigh.

"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Santa says while riding his sleigh with his riendeer.

Santa vanishes.

The kids go back into the train.

"Did ya'll see Santa Claus to prove that Santa Claus is real?" Chef asks.

"Yeah! I'll always believe in Santa!" Alejandro cheers.

"That's great. It's a long trip back, so everyone will be put to sleep by sleeping gas." Chef announces while pulling the switch.

"What's that?" Noah asks.

"That." Tyler points.

Everyone falls asleep.

30 minutes later everyone wakes up.

The train stops.

"Tyler, it's your turn to go home." Chef announces.

"Aw! I was having so much fun! But oh well. Bye!" Tyler says leaving the train.

Chef pushes Tyler out and shuts the door.

"Next stop, Noahs house." Chef announces.

"What is Santa going to bring you?" Lindsay asks.

"I hope something good." Noah hopes.

"He better give me some money." Dakota complains.

The train stops at Noahs house.

"Noah it's your house. Now get out of my train." Chef announces.

"Oh, well bye." Noah sighs.

Noah hugs Lindsay and Dakota.

"Goodbye!" Lindsay waves.

Noah walks out and enters his house.

Noah sees a present from Santa.

Noah opens it.

It was a cow bell.

"What the heck am I suposed to do with a cowbell for Christmas? Buy a farm?" Noah says pissed off.

Heather walks by.

"There's a note in here!" Heather says grabbing a note.

Noah grabs it and reads it.

Dear Noah,

Stop crying and get off the pills. Each time you feel like doing that stuff, ring the cow bell. It won't do anything but it has a nice sound for some reason. I just like cows. Merry Christmas annd if you don't like the bell than next year i'll bring you coal because I worked very hard to find a cow bell during a Black Friday Sale.

- From Santa Claus.

"How did you get a letter from Santa?" Heather asks.

"Who knows. But at least I got something." Noah shrugs.

Noah rings the cow bell.

"It does have a pretty sound." Noah smiles.

"No it doesn't! It hurts my ears! I'm telling mom you abused me with that horrible ringing!" Heather complains.

Noah sighs.

* * *

"That was the Bi-Polar Express!" Chef announces.

"I guess Christmas is for everyone, including bi-polar children." Noah announces.

"Next off we have a strange Christmas story.." Lindsay announces.

"This is about a girl!" Dakota announces.

"We call it, The Girl Who Stole Christmas." Tyler announces.

* * *

**_The Girl Who Stole_ Christmas.**

A long time ago, all through the Zoo-Vile the little Zoos were all snuggled in their beds for Christmas morning.

Everyone gathered around the Christmas tree and sang.

"Ugh! I hate Zoo-Vile! They will sing sing sing! And play play play! And eat eat eat!" Cari pouts.

says nothing.

"Oh how I hate everyone!" Cari pouts.

Cari's heart was 2 times smaller than everyone elses.

Cari throws at the snowy wall.

gets covered in snow that looked like Santa Claus.

" you gave me an idea!" Cari says.

Cari had the most evil smile and played with her fingers.

Cari grabs and goes into her rock house.

Cari makes a Santa Claus costume.

Cari turns on the radio.

"The radio would give me encouragement to make this costume." Cari says while making the Santa Claus costume.

"You're a mean one, , You eat too many meals, You're fatter than a cactus, and as charming as an seal, Mrs. Rose! You're a bad banana with a infected moldy peel! You're a poser, Mrs. Rose, You don't have a heart and you spray spiders when you fart Mrs. Rose. I wouldn't touch you with a - One hundred yard foot pole. The best words to describe you are, Stinky, Stanky,Stupid!" The Radio sings.

Cari turns off the radio and pouts.

Later that night, Cari rock climbed down to the Zoo Vile with a big red sack.

Cari snuck into many houses and robbed them.

Cari snuck into little Lindsay's house.

While Cari was stealing Christmas gifts, Lindsay got up.

Lindsay walked up to Cari.

"Are you Santa Claus?" Lindsay asks.

"Uh. Yes little girl." Cari nods.

"I can tell since you're fat." Lindsay says yawning.

Cari crosses her arms.

"I'm going to take your Christmas tree to my workshop. Now go back to sleep." Cari demands.

"Alright. Good night Santa!" Lindsay says waving.

Lindsay walks back to bed and sleeps.

"That was a close one.." Cari says stealing more gifts.

Cari leaves their house and goes to rob more houses.

Cari hides the red sack in the forest and waits until morning to see the Zoo-Viles face.

All the Zoo-Village surround the Christmas tree and sing.

"How are they all singing! I was the one who was suposed to ruin Christmas! Why isn't everyone miserable!" Cari pouts.

Cari thinks more a moment, and thinks some more.

"Wait a minute, Christmas isn't about the gifts or Christmas tree, it's about giving to others and being thankful." Cari says to herself.

Cari grabs the red sack and walks up to the Zoo-Ville.

"Here's presents to all! And to all a Merry Christmas!" Cari announces giving everyone their gift back.

Everyone gathers around the Christmas tree and sings some more.

* * *

"That was one interesting Christmas!" Lindsay announces.

"But Christmas was saved!" Dakota cheers.

"That's all the Christmas episodes we have." Gwen sighs.

"Have a Merry Christmas!" Tyler waves.

"And a Happy New Year!" Heather waves.

"Baah! Humbug!" Cari pouts.

Chris throws a lump of coal at Cari.


End file.
